sometimes I wonder when I'm happy why everyone else isn't...

Yes, that is who you think it is.

JACQUELINE WILSON

Yes.

If you don't know who she is there will be two reasons.

1: You're a boy
2: You're a girl that didn't like reading.

Any girl aged between 7-13 should know who she is. She has written zillions of books.

I co-interviewed here for a radio station when she was in New Zealand.

The story goes like this: I was a HUGE fan of Jacqueline Wilson, as were all my friends. We all loved her books. She was like the God of the Pen to us. My mum's friend said to my mum that the person who worked at the radio station was looking for a chatty 10 or 11 year old to co-interview (or just ask a few questions) to Jacqueline, so through a lot of emails, my mum managed to score me the role!

I got the day off school and it was pretty much the most exciting day of my life, as I crammed all (well, nearly all) of my books by her into my school bag.

I can remember when she walked into the room I couldn't believe it was her, and that she was bothering to come to a country as random as NZ, but who cared? She was there!

She said Hello, and How nice it was to meet me.

But here's the thing that got me. She must have met Millions of Children per year, so of course I wasn't anything special, but it really tore my heart in half the way that I could tell she was just being polite, and didn't actually want to get to know me. I'd always thought she was a really friendly person (and she was), but I could tell that she didn't want to know me. Which as a 10 year old, hurt.

A strange thing happened, and from that day forward I never bought another Jacqueline Wilson book. Not because I was angry at her. I tried to still enjoy her books, but when I got them out of the library and read them, I just didn't enjoy them anymore.

The way she writes is she uses a mold. Usually a traumatized child with some issue. She plays the issue out throughout the whole book. And then, the End.

When people asked me if I enjoyed meeting her I always said Yes. But really it was No. Because after that I lost the way I enjoyed reading her books. And her books had been like the Bible to me.

So now I have a shelf of signed books, and a kind of sadness in my heart.

I was so upset today. 

I really want to get out of NZ. 

Four years isn't that long. But I fucking hate it so much. 

*Breaths*

Tomorrow will be a better day.

It is so depressing when you go to bed with a headache thinking it will be gone by morning.

But in the morning it's still there... 

I hate being sick.

i hate sleeping the day away.

Left to Right: Hambley, Mum, Me.

I used to think I was so ugly... Now I don't know why I did.

Little shits at my old school.

Ok.  A proper Blog post.

This week has been so meh. 

Monday

I don't remember.

Tuesday

Teacher Only day at School. Yet I had to go in. No I was not happy then either.

Decided I wanted to go to Rome to study the Ruins of Pompeii. 

"But Felicity it costs so much money". I'm sick of your excuses. What is wrong with the world? If they had said, "But there's no oxygen on the moon" we'd still think it was made of cheese.

I get this so often from so many people. They look at me like I am crazy for dreaming, so half the time I just keep my ideas to myself. I'll show them all. 

Wednesday

Felt like I was just about asleep when suddenly got a txt. Turns out it was 7:00 in the morning, but was very pissed off that I was woken up. 

Thursday

I can actually remember this day.

Wasn't really feeling very happy. 

Interviewed a band for the yearbook.  They were really weird.

I bought chewing gum which made me feel sick. Thinking maybe strawberry isn't my fave flavour after all.

Went to the library and got out sheet music! Vladimir Cosma "Promenade" from Diva.  Ahhh Love that movie SO much. Memories... 

Then went to do Asttle Testing. Was really upset when I completely failed. I was hoping this year would be different, but I'm going to keep an open mind and 'try harder' for next year.

Today: Friday

Was home all day. Ate too much Ice Cream and now officially hate it. I feel sick. 

Went into town with Mother Dearest (the coolest mother on earth, no joke) and browsed perfumes. Love Madame Rochas, smells like my childhood and warm hugs. I have to buy some.  Also looked at Dior Mascara, it's really nice, think I'll get some of that as well. 

Went to the shops and got my brothers' Christmas pressie. I hope they like it. If they don't... I want to keep it. 

Rushed off to piano, the fucking bus never came so I never got to go. Was fucking pissed off at the Christchurch Bus Service and the world in general. Walked home scowling, which I know isn't my best look, but I wasn't in the mood to grin foolishly. 

Moped around home for half an hour and suddenly started enthusiastically looking up Italian sites and stuff.

Started doing work.

Felt a sudden urge to watch Richie Rich after listening to Black or White by Micheal Jackson.

Chatted to two old kids from my old school. Felt really pissed off after talking to them. They make me mad. I was saying all this stuff and agreeing with "How cool it is to get Drunk" but thinking, "I have never been drunk, never want to be Drunk, and if you think being Drunk is cool, then you're just weird". I know that in the future I'm going to be happy and all that... but the future is a long way away.

Wrote this venting blog. 

I am not very happy. I don't know why.

It is extraordinary how technology seems to hate me... 

My 5th pair of headphones (in the past 2 years) broke.

I can only hear the sound out of one of the ears. Which is inadequate.